Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
