I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize