Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
soo... how was my night?
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