Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
