i would punch a child for taco bell
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
please don't ironically join a cult
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