Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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