Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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