Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
