At least make sure they are 18
Why
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
