your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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