Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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