It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
