Non-Jews are for practice
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
