Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Houston, we have a blender
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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