Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
