i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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