You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
