i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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