I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
there is puke in my bra ... again
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
