there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
