I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize