apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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