I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
