You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
