He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
