So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
