I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
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def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
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I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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