Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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