Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
