So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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