Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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