A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
