i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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