but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
