You made me cry and you don't even care
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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