After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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