I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I will pee on everything he values.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
