This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
