OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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