Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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