Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
