Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
