Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
