She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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