Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
