i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
