In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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