you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
