I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
