i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
did i walk over a car last night?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
