When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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