I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
