OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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