We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
