I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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