I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
