Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
