So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
