she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
