We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
