i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
