Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
