2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Help me help you realize you are a moron
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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