i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
