I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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