giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
