No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
