i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
