what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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