This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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