i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
