oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
