I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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