A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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