I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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