I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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