Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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