That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
