Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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