I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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