K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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