and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
