planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
