It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
